I Never Said Goodbye
by MajinBroli
Summary: Goku showed up too late to say goodbye but with ChiChi six feet under he realizes how much he let the one person he promised the world too he let down. So many things run down as he deals with ChiChi's death knowing he'll never be forgiven...


**Disclaimer: **Don't Own it, or The Calling's song Could It Be Any Harder

**I Never Said Good-Bye  
One-Shot**

_A/N: I must be losing my mind, my first one-shot without Lemon, everyone must think I'm crazy. It's never happened before! But you can guess why it doesn't. R&R

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Long had time passed but it didn't change anything, standing there silent in the back of aisle. Fists held tightly, the expensive suit that was Chi-Chi's favorite was hopelessly ruined now. But it didn't matter, he had returned with only moments when Shenlong's power had given him that moment of reference but he hated himself now. Even with all the strength he had it didn't matter. A large four star ball shined in his forehead. His chest rippling with six others underneath the expensive suit, it didn't matter to him. He was so unbelievably powerful but no longer happy. Him Goku the first true defender of peace in the universe, savior or Earth and in control of the dragon balls for his personal whim. Nothing held much of any more meaning.

It took him thirty years to come home, thirty long years… and to this greeting no less. He had hoped to see Chi-Chi… but of course not like this…

_You left me with goodbye and open arms_

_A cut so deep I don't deserve_

_You were always invincible in my eyes_

_The only thing against us now is time_

No one noticed him, not even his own sons, Vegeta, Trunks, Bra, Pan, and their other children. It didn't help him at all as they were there. "She was my devoted mother, a driving force in my life. If not for her we would have never been the person we are today. She gave us a life that we will always treasure; she was a mother… and a… wonderful woman…." Gohan said wiping his eyes. "I'm sorry I can't go on…" He moved off to the side Videl taking his hand as he walked off to the side.

Vegeta stood there with a look of familiarity his pride unwilling to let him shed a tear for a personality he despised. But he hung his head knowing the feeling as Bulma was within his eyesight the large Brief's Headstone not more then a stones throw away. Just as Chi-Chi was now… _how many people must I bury like this… why did they have to be weak humans…_Shaking his face as his teeth grit, emotions still his enemy for now and always.

_Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,_

_Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true_

_If I only had one more day_

Walking forwards slowly parting through the see around him, he didn't know these people. Didn't care much either way not that anyone made a move, his eyes looking over to those concealed in the shadows, Dende and Mr. Popo the two having seclusion and joining in the moment as friends but sticking to the sidelines.

_I know you hate me now… Chi-Chi how could I do this too you… all the power I had and yet I couldn't even see this. I couldn't comfort you… I couldn't be the one to hold your hand as you left… no just like always I was a moron. _He would take a million punches from Vegeta right now into his gut to undo all of this. But with a death of natural causes he couldn't, he was a held within the power of the dragon balls Death was natural nothing he could undo. And he was for sure that Shenron would forbid him to travel back in time to at least give that Chi-Chi the truth she deserved.

Goten came next standing proudly like his father but having developed a look like Raditz as his hair fell back around his ankles a single strand over his forehead. He like the others not noticing couldn't see him. He was a single face in a sea of people, what had his wife done to deserve all of this? He would never know… because he left her…

_I lie down and blind myself with laughter_

_A quick fix of hope is what I'm needing_

_And how I wish that I could turn back the hours_

_But I know I just don't have the power_

"I could never agree more with my brother, his words are true. She raised us as a real mother while I father had left for a greater purpose that we all today understand, for those seven years I never knew anyone as strong or as willed as my mother. She could feed an army every night, mentor an entire school, train us like a drill sergeant and still have time to be a loving mom. I'll never forget her and my father together; I just wish that he could have been here to say good-bye." Goten wiped his eyes but kept together reminiscing about how he and his mom had pushed him through school and gave him training for the future.

_Me and Chi-Chi… why did I ever hurt her so? She taught me everything about love, caring, compassion, and the hanky panky. I was willing to learn but she told me so much about staying together through thick and thin and what did I do? I left her all alone… not once, not twice… but three times… _Goku's head dropped as he moved up the aisle people looking now as the radically spiky haired man walked to the front, others thinking nothing of it when they compared it to her family and friends… most sharing that trait

_Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,_

_Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true_

_If I only had one more day_

Goku watched Goten leave as the last person who would have ever expected to take the stand… Vegeta himself… The man, who dammed her the most, swore vengeance against her temper was going to speak at her funeral. "I don't have much to say, as I understand your pain boys, descendents of Chi-Chi and Kakarot. It is a sad day for us all, but even I know that it is a time of passing as I myself know the same pain as all of you. Though many of you know not of who I am and what I am about to say it is customary tradition of my people. Being that Kakarot is not…" Looking up the sayjin prince laid eyes on him.

Goku's face even with the orange ball and all, his face looking up straight into his and only one word said. "Kakarot…" Turning heads everywhere as everyone looked at him. Gohan and Goten nearly jumping out of their seats but in this setting restrained themselves. Goten being the first to act as he walked forwards. Hate burning in his eyes for his father, but Goku made no move as he stood straight up to him.

"Dad…" He hissed ushering a few whispers from the crowd. Goten looking up in his face, eyes burning with fresh tears. His hands at his side fisted tightly. Having grown up twice without his Dad, the feelings for holding back and with such emotion around he couldn't hold himself back.

_I'd jump at the chance,_

_We'd drink and we'd dance_

_And I'd listen close to your every word,_

_As if it's your last, I know it's your last,_

_Cause today, oh, you're gone_

The fist was a bullet but Goku didn't avoid it. Goten hit him in the jaw in a straight uppercut but Goku didn't even look like he flinched. "Goten stop!" Gohan yelled rushing as Goten pulled back for another shot but Goku grabbed his wrist stopping him effortlessly. Goten's face running a river of tears as he tried to break his fist but he fruitlessly beat down on Goku's chest.

"Why!? Why!? Why now!? Why'd you come back!?" He cried as he hit his father over and over. The blows becoming half hearted and lifeless as Goten collapsed crying into Goku's suit. Goku wrapped his hands around Goten's back resting his head atop his as Goten cried his anger away for his father.

Gohan coming up slowly as Goten's cries even for a man continued. Goku holding his head as he looked up, "I know son… I know." Goten kept crying as the remainder of those approached Goku wondering if this was real…

_Could it be any harder to say goodbye and without you,_

_Could it be any harder to watch you go, to face what's true_

_If I only had one more day_

Everyone returned as Vegeta let Goku take the post, standing there made it only harder for Goku, having to look down at the silver casket that held his beloved. "Yes fellow guests I am the departed Chi-Chi's husband. Having returned only yesterday from my extended trip in space, it may be hard to understand my position. I truly hate myself for not arriving sooner, my pleas and words that I came to give mean nothing to her. I know she loves me, but I am not one who deserves this. It's hard but could it be any harder to let her know now how much it hurts me to stand here… To stand here knowing that I left her to die alone… Dende only knows how pathetic I am." He said casting his gaze to the side as Dende looked away. "I left my wife with so many burdens I am amazed that she didn't move on. I gave her so many reasons to leave me and I would deeply understand. My two sons… I hardly know you anymore, you've all grown up in these years… I look at you and I see your mother… It makes me proud that I was your father but it also saddens me deeply, I failed you and your mother I will always live with that. Certainly for all you know I've done for mankind you think I could of hallowed out a few days to spend with your mother. And yet I couldn't mange that…" Goku gripped the stand where he spoke his head hanging low as he felt his tears run down his face. "Vegeta I thank-you for doing for what you were about to do. It means a lot…" "Feh I didn't do it for you…" came the retort as Goku nodded his head turning to the crowd. "Thank-you all of you for coming, it would probably mean a lot to Chi-Chi…" He turned away walking to the side away from the crowd. He could hear the murmurs but he didn't care he walked around them heading to where Bulma lay to pay his respects to her…

_Like sand on my feet,_

_The smell of sweet perfume_

_You stick to me forever Baby_

_And I wish you didn't go_

_I wish you didn't go, I wish you didn't go away_

_To touch you again,_

_With life in your hands,_

_It couldn't be any harder.. harder.. harder_

Goku didn't return to the ceremony at all waiting outside from the eyes of others, away from suspicion and reopening old wounds with everyone around him. They all were being strong and he would only drag them down. It was a terrible price he had to pay but a necessary one. He could understand, Pan refused to even look at him, Trunks put his nose up at him. He knew he deserved it, he turned around though and unbuttoned his suit revealing the six glowing orbs and the four star ball on his forehead began to beat to life.

"Not now Shenron…" Goku groaned as he felt the eternal dragon's essence ready to be used, he had a useable wish now but it wasn't right. He couldn't use a wish for himself, it wouldn't be right. **_So you say… but it's your own to use… you have done as I have asked correctly giving me everything I've needed to recover. Speak your wish and I shall grant it…_**

"I can't… it would only hurt her more... Looking back I realize that I didn't do Chi-Chi any good. Look at what I've become now… I'm just following another role leaving her behind again. Maybe things would have been different had I not been such an idiot…" Shaking his head he walked away again, everyone with the power sensed him leaving as he powered up for the jump through space, his hair spiking outwards and around his shoulders. The suit dissipating as red fur overcame his form, the training outfit wrapping over his limbs. "Good-bye everyone I'm sorry I even came back…" With tears in his golden eyes he turned back. "I'm so stupid Chi-Chi don't ever forgive me I didn't ever deserve you." He would have left once again but… He didn't….

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Many hours later in the blanket of darkness not following his family or anyone home he approached the freshly filled grave. Kneeling down, he bowed his head. "I know I don't deserve it, I ask you forgive me once more… I will forever understand if you don't. I just want you to know I'm so sorry. I left you all alone to many times to deserve your love, you asked so much of me and here now I fail you again to many times. Rest in peace Chi-Chi I hope that in heaven you never see me. It will hurt me so much more to know the pain I caused you this life." Wiping his eyes with his hand he stood up creating some flowers for his hands with Shenron's power he laid the white roses at the base of the headstone. His head bowing a final time as he turned to leave for a good while to recover… but never the same…

_It couldn't be any harder.. harder.. harder_

_(fade away, fade away, fade away)_

_It couldn't be any harder.. harder.. harder_

_(fade away, fade away, fade away)_

_It couldn't be any harder.. harder.. harder_

_(fade away, fade away, fade away)

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Chi-Chi sat patiently inside Heaven's gates dressed in white, her hands in her lap as she talked with Bulma and their parents. All of them chatting as they were all watching the funeral. "So Chi-Chi? What are you going to do when Goku gets here?" Bulma asked with a little elbow in the side.

Chi-Chi smiled and shrugged. "Nothing, I'll just cook him a meal as always and then dress the bed. Just like old times, Goku's a one in a million it takes awhile to get used to the fact your husband is the light of the universe. I'll wait here till the day he comes and he'll learn the truth. I never once blamed him for anything, sure I got angry but not once did I ever blame him for leaving me. He had his duties to all of us… So I'll just wait… and give him one hell of a welcome home."

_When that fateful day came and Goku entered heaven having fulfilled his final purpose he entered the gates, and before he could see another soul there she was. Dressed in white and waiting for him… Smiling and holding a frying pan behind her back… **"Oh yeah she forgave him but not before dishing out some due justice…"**_

_**R&R MajinBroli**_


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